I realize I don't post here that often, and I have two other blogs that I will start using for writing as well as for teaching, so I'm not sure the value of being in livejournal anymore. Most of you I have lost contact with, and man of you I don't even remember. I wish I had been a better friend. I thought I would say that before I leave. I hope you find everything you want.

I'm going through all of the posts on my listserv and i found this video that really made me think. Here is a link.



It talks about how many students are quite literate in technology and that the literacy of the world is changing. Because students are finding new sources of information, we as teachers need to begin to utilize these sources. While textbook learning is fine, and it is important that students learn how to analyze literature for specific standards, the literature of the world is changing. While the stories that we read from our class anthology may connect to student lives in a superficial way, finding articles on the internet, or stories that come from current events, or articles that can connect on the internet and be shared may be the next big step in literary teaching.

I would love to require that all of my students get gmail addresses, and create a group that is used strictly for collaboration and creating a community of learners. The major problem with this would be the ability to seriously abuse the system. I imagine that if everybody had everybody else's email address, cyber-bullying would occur. But, doing that would also help me to get grade reports to students in a timely manner, allow them to contact me with essay concerns more easily... I don't know, it's something to ponder.

1. Affirmative Reading : I don't do this every morning, and I only got to the tasks on Saturday nigh, but I will do it next week. IN fact, on the inside front cover, and on the inside of the next page, my glorious mentor, a long while back, asked that I write down a list of all of my "good stuff" and keep it somewhere that I will look at daily. I keep mine in my daily journal. These are my personal affirmations that have been drawn out of my life as well as compliments of others that surround me with love and support. Recently, I've taken to dating them. In fact, much of all of the "cover" space on my journal is positive stuff to help me become a better writer. Yes, I get skeptical at times, but I can usually find some good among the skepticism.

2. 5 major activities this week
a. work- necessary
b. Second life, in particular rehearsing- want to do, but not very much sometimes
c. Watching movies with Kevin - want to do
d. Hanging out on the internet surfing and IMing people - want to do
e. sleeping - necessary

I'm not going to put my drawing here, but there are a lot of things I need to protect right now. Including my writing.

3. 20 things I enjoy doing, but I don't do enough of, and the last time I did them
1. Writing- today
2. quilting - 3 months ago?
3. knitting- can't remember
4. baking - 2 weeks ago
5. gardening - can't remember
6. cross stitch - can't remember
7. playing video games - an hour ago
8. building on Second Life- ages ago
9. censored
10. hanging out with my boys - a bit yesterday, but not nearly enough
11. censored
12. sitting by the lake and reading - so long ago I can't remember
13. sitting by the lake and writing - so long ago I can't remember
14. swimming - three weeks ago
15. shopping - yesterday
16. walking (in short spurts) - last Sunday
17. driving - daily, but not the way I like to
18. taking a bubble bath - a month ago
19. having a manicure - a long time ago
20. getting a massage - over a year ago

4. Select two of your things you enjoy and make them goals this week
This week I plan on 1. Going swimming at least once 2. Going to the lake with a blanket, or at least going to the park to read or write.

5. My three chosen affirmations for next week
1. I have a deeply ingrained passion for knowledge.
2. I am willing to help others.
3. I can communicate what I write and others write well

6. 5 more jobs to the list
jewelry designer
calligrapher
actress
poet
college professor

7. Draw a circle, divide into 6 sections, labeled spirituality, exercise, play, work, friends, and romance. Place a dot in each section telling how satisfied you are in that area. The closer the dot is to the center, the less satisfied.
Ok, so I did this one in my journal, but to give an idea of what I did, I'm gonna list them and number them.. I'll try and make this list weekly with new numbers, and see how it changes over time.
spirituality- 2
exercise - 1 or 0
play - 9 (I play a lot)
work - 4 (I like my job, but it's stressful lately)
friends - 10
romance - 7 (my life could be more romantic, but not much LOL)

8. 10 small changes to make in my life so that I can become happier.
1. take more pictures
2. spend more time learning
3. write more often
4. exercise more
5. make the bed
6. grade a set of papers every night
7. find time to relax
8. snuggle more often
9. make love, not just have sex
10. clean more often

9. Choose one of these changes and make it happen!
The change I've decided to make is to write one small poem a day after I've completed my morning pages. I'll let you know how it goes.

Check in
Morning Pages - Done every day, though not always in the morning and not always three full pages. But hey.. I'm writing.
Artist's Date - Went and bought a glass pen that I had been eying at Barnes and Noble for a while now, and I also bought a beautiful leather journal from Sojourner Leather. ::squee::
Anything else this week I have been coming up with ideas for writing. Now I just need to write them...

So.. off I go to write in my morning pages. My big brother is calling me in an hour and a half and I have to talk to him, since it will be the first time I ever get to hear his voice. Whee!!

TLL

I listed four of my champions of my self-worth and creativity about a week ago, but I was sitting down to write last night, and I realized that I forgot someone very important, someone who should have been at the top of that list (Yes, even before Kevin).

When I was at the lowest point of my life in probably the last five years, I was throwing my virtual body around at nearly anybody who would have me (I even let one person lead me around and tell me who to have sex with and performed tricks for them). I was probably at the nadir of my existence, allowing men to lead me around on collars, and use my body in whatever way they wanted. I threw myself endlessly at them, thinking that their attention for my nubile avatar was attention paid to me. So, one day I was at a club and I met TJ (who I usually call TJ, even to my friends. I use these initials, I think, so that people can't look him up. He is fairly hefty in the business world of Second Life, and when I started to talk about him as my mentor, I would call him TJ so that people wouldn't associated him with me. I thought, at the time.. and kind of still do.. that he didn't really need people knowing that we were connected. That he would be embarrassed by the relationship. I know better now.). Anyway, when I met TJ, I hit on him, expecting that he would reciprocate just as all the other men had, but he didn't. He merely offered me a chair, and asked me to sit and talk to him while he was waiting for his partner. He said he had seen me around with a lot of men at the club and asked me why I threw myself at them. I admitted that my self-worth lay between my legs. He very gently and very tenderly told me that I am better than that, and that he loved me, no matter what.

TJ became my savior (kinda). In everything I have ever done, RL or SL, he has always been there for me. He supports me in anything that I do, ever. For that, I am eternally grateful and forever in his debt. I love him... more than I think he could ever know. And I know that I can do anything... because he loves me too.

First.. a picture for all of you. ( have I mentioned how much I hate that photobucket pics get so freakin' huge. How do I post thumbnails! )

That used to be my Raggedy Anne Doll, before my husband decided to wash her. Now she is a Raggedy Anne skin. He called me up expecting me to cry about it (It was made for me before I was born) thinking that he has completely destroyed it. Had it been completely destroyed, I would, perhaps, have been sadder. Instead, I laughed. I laughed SOOO hard.

Also...This is what I'm involved with in SL right now. It's eating my brain... but it's going to be wonderful.

Pictures behind the cut... cause they're huge.

( Read more... )

Ok.. totally didn't get finished with the tasks the other day, but here I am, completing my homework like a good girl.

#6 List three old Champions of your creative self-worth: : This list has actually changed quite a bit since the last time I made it, specifically since I can actually think of more than three people to put on this list now. In fact, I have whole groups of people who I can put on this list, but I think I'll put on more than three and go from there. First is Kevin, who has actually migrated from the monster list to the champion list. Since the last time I made this list, I discussed those thing which I felt were making him one of my monsters, and he has backed off considerably in all of them and has even encouraged me to do the things that I need to do. He supports me in everything and has learned to give me the space that I need to be creative, as well as support my creativity. He is always telling me how I'm intelligent, that I'm the smart one in the relationship, but we both have our own intelligences to deal with (like he's better with money, and I'm better with people). We complement each other nicely. The next person on my list is my Grandma Hodges, who we all call Gram, or Grama. When I was very very young, she would encourage all of us cousins to go out and reach for our dreams. She would teach us to quilt, to draw, to act, to write.. whatever our hearts desired. We learned to swim with her, we learned to dance with her... she was our artistic soul. Even today, nearly all four of us use her gifts in our lives. My cousin, John, is a minister. My cousin Gina is a massage therapist, using music and her hands to help people. My sister still cross-stitches, and I write... and teach others to write. She was always very helpful. The next person on the list is probably Jim. When I first created my new avatar in Second Life, I decided that the avatar was going to do more than just have sex. Jim was one of the first people that I met within the writing group, and he quickly became one of the most encouraging. He coaxed me onto the stage at the Globe Theatre, gently telling me in backstage IM whispers "Slow Down!!!" and still, to this day, if he can make it to one of my poetry readings, he will certainly come. He has also been one of my best friends. The last, but not least, that I'm going to write about today (Not for lack of really great supporters, because there are tons out there, but because I need to move on) is Bobby, who has sort of been my creative rock. He and I talk a lot about how writing is necessary in our lives, how we don't feel complete without the writing. We push each other to write, we push each other to dream and to show each other how those dreams can come true. He still needs to publish something, and I do too.. but he's on more of a deadline than I am.

7. Select and write out one happy piece of encouragement as a thank you letter. Ok here goes. Dear Gram: Thank you for always always believing in me. Every day that I sit down to write, or know that I have it in me to be truly creative, I have you to thank for that. All four of us learned to believe in ourselves and explore our own minds and because of that we have become the people that we are today. Thank you for everything and I love you deeply for that.

8. What five lives would you have liked to lead other than the one you have? I would have liked to be an archaeologist, a scientist, a book editor, a dancer, a painter, a photographer. I think, maybe, I'll find my camera and on a walk, take some photographs. It can be my Artist's Date for the week.

9. Turn blurts into affirmations I do this in my journal. I will post a few when I have time.

10. Go for a 20 minute walk with your artist I will try to do this.

1. Write morning pages. Ok.. still not in the habit of this. I am thinking that I need to stop getting online at 4:30 and start sitting down to write three pages. I think it not only will help in my writing, but also help in my mood, since it gives me a place to purge all of my thoughts. Going on.

2. Artist's Date: Yeah, still not sure what I'm going to do or when I'll have the time. I think maybe.. Saturday? Or maybe instead of sitting around my house in the morning, I'll get up and go for a long walk and take my notebook with me and every time I have to sit down, I'll write something about my thoughts. I'll do that on Saturday.

3. Three old enemies of my creative self-worth. God, this is hard to do. When I had first started the Artist's Way a few months ago, I did this task and listed Kevin. He's not an enemy anymore and is actually becoming quite supportive. So.. hrm... who hindered my creative spirit? My sister, Becky, definitely. and I guess my Dad. The running joke in my family, told to everybody, not just me, is "you have no friends." (usually said when I would say something like "I'm going out with my friend, Maya, to go look at hot boys"). It was kind of hurtful. Also, my dad beat the crap out of me once for something creative that I wrote. Admittedly, I was 15 and it was an erotic piece of writing, but it sort of stifled that creativity in me. To be honest, I think I am probably one of the enemies of my own self-worth as well. I look at my writing and see that it's not as great as the masters that I have studied, but I am learning to realize that, perhaps, these great masters, had stumbling periods of their own, and they revised. What I am seeing as a masterpiece was revised time and time again and wasn't something that just leapt out of their brain. Even Shakespeare revised, I'm sure (God, who wouldn't want to see the rough drafts of those ::has a braingasm::). So, I have to stop listening to the voices in my head that sound like my Dad and my sister. I can add a whole lot more people to this list, as I sit and think about it. Most of my step-siblings, I think.

4. Write out one horror story from your Monster's Hall of Fame . My sister was the worst about all of this, I think. I can't remember one specific incident, but I would, very often, be found scribbling in my notebook, usually writing poetry. I think I still have one upstairs, actually. I wrote little poems or short little blurty stories, probably about 100 words long (aaah.. flash fiction, you are my friend). Once, in my sophomore year, while we were waiting for a bus or something, my sister and I were sitting with a friend of ours, and I was scribbling in my notebook, and my sister pulled it away from me and started reading it aloud in a derogatory voice. I think this incident probably made it nearly impossible for me to write around her anymore. I still won't. In fact, to this day, if I am sitting down and reading something in her presence, she will come by and knock it out of my hands or tell me to stop reading, that it's stupid. I think, perhaps this may stem from the fact that she is not a good reader herself. How interesting that I come to this now. Also, I just realized that my sister is the classic bully.

5. Write a letter to the editor in your defense Um.. ok. I've never really submit anything except once, and that was quite foolish of me... but.. here goes. To the editors of: I am sorry that my work wasn't good enough for your magazine! Just because you think that you are all high and mighty and better than everybody else doesn't mean that my work isn't valuable. I am a good writer, and someday you'll come to me and beg me to put in something that I wrote, and you will see that I have value as a writer and as a person. Your stupid form letter is a waste of my time and hard drive space. Screw you!

Ok, I'll finish the rest in a post later on today. Love love love!! TL

I'm part of a group of 3, supposedly 4, in SL who is going to start doing the Artist's Way as sort of a class. What the artist's way does is that it helps you find the spark of your creativity and get you into the habit of being creative every day, not just when you feel like being creative. It is supposed to help you become habitually creative and learn how to tap your inner creative under the premise that all people, no matter what, have an inner creativity, be it writing, art, music or whatever.

So, along with my friends Destry, Skylar and Rich, we are undertaking this 12 week "course" to spark our inner creatives. I'm about a week behind Skylar, I think and Rich and I are starting pretty much at the same time and I'm not sure about Destry, but I really want him to do this with us and so I'm going to poke and prod at him about his writing and being creative as much as he pokes and prods at me about my weight (which isn't much lately, though I could really use the poking and prodding).

Anyway, I think I'm going to use this journal to post some of my responses, to do my weekly check ins and keep myself on track and beholden to my readers (not that I have a whole bunch, but hey.. I love to write and I miss blogging, so here I am again). So, my hiatus to blogging is over. I'm going to be posting updates, now that school has started, but those of you who are used to my useless rambling and such may find that I am getting a little bit more focused in my posting and that I will either be focusing on my writing or my teaching. Both will be major focuses this year as I learn to organize myself in order to get ready to apply for the graduate programs at California State University, Sacramento, University of California, Davis and possibly consider my Masters of Fine Arts at Goddard. I want to become more knowledgeable in my field and become respected within that field.

As it is, expect more posting here.

Peace!

TLW

I saw this today and it made me think about the quality of education that we have at my school. It makes you think. I have a problem posting anything complaining about my school, mostly because I really do love some of the people that work with, and to be honest, the administration isn't that bad, even though sometimes I think they're a bunch of idiots. They are really just trying to do what they feel is best for the students. I wish that we did have more technology available, and that community building sites like facebook and myspace weren't blocked through the school servers. I think it would be good to use these sites, rather than blocking them, to teach students how to communicate effectively in the Real World, and not tell them that these sites have no educational value. I would like to create a blog or something where I could post information for my students, but it is all blocked by the district. How unfortunate.

TL

LOL this is for sillystudent.

But.. it is really good.

(and hey! it's low fat)

1/4 c all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp dried marjoram, crushed (I didn't have it, so I used oregano... meh)
4 skinless boneless chicken breast halves
2 cups sliced fresh mushrooms
3 tbsp butter
1/2 c chicken broth (I used Wolfgang Puck's organic chicken stock)
1/2 c. dry Marsala or Sherry (use Marsala!)
Pasta (optional) cooked

1. In a shallow bowl stir together flour, marjoram, 1/8 tsp of salt and 1/8 tsp of black pepper. Place chicken breast half between two pieces of plastic wrap and beat the hell out of it with a rolling pin or the flat side of the meat mallet until it's about 1/4 inch thick. (This is a great recipe to make when you're really pissed off at your husband). Remove plastic wrap and repeat with the remaining breast halves. (Maybe this is good for PMS too.. when your breasts are tender and sore.. just.. take it out on something like this.) Lightly coat chicken in flour mixture; shake off excess.

2. In a 12 inch skillet cook mushrooms and green onions in 1 Tbsp of the butter over medium-high heat until tender; remove from skillet. In the same skillet cook chicken in remaining 2 Tbsp butter for 5-6 minutes, turning to brown evenly.

3. Remove skillet from heat. Return mushrooms and green onions to skillet. Carefully add broth and Marsala to skillet. (I combined them in another bowl first, and then carefully poured that bowl into the skillet. It worked well.) Simmer , uncovered for 2 minutes, stirring occasionally. (get the mushrooms up over the chicken. It will help with the flavor of the chicken. I actually let it go for a bit longer than 2 minutes, until the sauce was a bit thick.. and it tasted fine). Season sauce to taste with salt and pepper (I add a bit of garlic salt at this point). Transfer chicken to serving platter and spoon mushroom sauce over the top. If desired, serve over or with pasta.

Great great great with breadsticks.

4 servings, 298 calories per serving, 12g. fat, 1 g. fiber. Total points...dunno.. you tell me. I can't find my point counter thingy.

Enjoy!! TL

If you want to stick around for the new me, let me know so I can keep you on my friend list. TL

I'm cleaning out this journal and putting everything important into a word document and then I'm going to start over. It is time for me to make a clean sweep of my life, I think. I kept this livejournal mostly so that Philip would have a way to find me, but I don't need him anymore. I don't want him back in my life, and I think I'm a better person for it. I am moving on. I will use this to talk about the SL Publishing world, my own teaching and my best friends (who I have a few of now which I will never let go of). Keep it real everybody. If there was anything you liked in my journal, let me know. ;)

ToryLynn

So, my LJ subscription dies in 5 days. Should I renew, or find some place else to go? If I find some place else, I want to archive all of my journal to the hard drive. Any suggestions?

TL

For a while, Kevin has asked that I stay off of Second Life, as he feels that I've become addicted. This means that I am spending much more time in the chatroom, but it does not mean that I'm spending any more time writing, which sucks. I need to get back into journaling again, as I think that if I write in my journal every day, it will make me write more quality stuff. Is it too late to sign up for embodiment?

Anyways, my latest gig seems to be poetry, which I'm infinitely enjoying, and Kevin is trying to talk me into Julnowrimo, so I may do that. I'm either going to do Julnowrimo this year, and actually write the great American novel (which, I suppose, I have to figure out what that is), or I'm going to spend time editing one of my previous novels and shipping it off to an excellent editor who is picky and mean, but wonderful because of his picky meanness. I'm also working on a story, whose working title is "A Knight to Remember", which is fun.

You know, someday, I want to win a Pulitzer.

Kevin is being very encouraging about me going back to college and getting my Masters and Doctorate. (yay!) I think this encouragement is a way to keep me from getting on to Second Life and away from Destry, but at least he's being supportive of me. Oh, and he's also reading a book with me (I think he's trying to be more like Destry is to me. We usually end up sitting on the beach talking about life and literature and stuff, and Kevin misses out on that part, because he doesn't read.) So, in an attempt to read with me, we picked up two copies of Christopher Moore's The Stupidest Angel, which, if any of you have read Lamb by the same author, features the same angel. It should be pretty good. He originally wanted to go for something literary, but I figured we would start with something that maybe he would actually read. So.. we're reading, although I'm reading Atonement right now and not The Stupidest Angel so that he can catch up a little bit, as he reads slower than I do. I think Atonement is about to get good. Destry says I'll like it anyway, and he's on this big McEwan kick right now in his reading, because he hasn't talked about any of the books that I've suggested to him, which means he's not reading them, yet. Oh, maybe you all want to know which books I've suggested. Hrm..

Well, I highly recommend Lamb by Christopher Moore. Awesome Jesus fiction.
Oh, and History of Love by.. erm... Nicole Krauss, I think. I would have to go find the book, which is currently buried under a pile of laundry.

Oh, they took me down from 3 times a week physical therapy to 2 times a week physical therapy, and he says I have about 4 more weeks to go, so YAY!! But, he adjusted my back yesterday, and I didn't get stimulation and heat, and it's complaining. Damn!

Ok, so.. here is my poetic offering for the day. I wrote it Sunday for a poetry reading. If you heard it on SL, you may notice some changes. TL

Marinara Sauce

It was unexpected, this reaction to resistance
Expecting to be turned away,
And yet, with the heat of lust,
And the right pressure applied,
The skin slips aside to reveal
The ruby red heart of love.

Your fingers cleverly withdraw
From the blade of my passion.
Instead, you press your palm against my desire
The thin slices of my soul
Taken away, deftly, one piece at a time
Until it becomes your own.

The heat rises, and I shed my calm exterior
Drowning in the boiling waters,
Softening in my resolve
Until I am rescued, dripping with desire
Lost inside you
Forever.

I just needed to find a place to post my stuff, and I realized today that I have one. I have one here. I want to start becoming more involved in all of my communities, not just the SL one, and give people a chance to read what I write. I'm learning that I have a lot of friends, and they are all awesome, and wouldn't it be great to start working with all of my communities to share my writing.

I've been on this great poetry kick lately, mostly thanks to my very good friends, Destry Recreant and Morigan Dagger and Nebbisk Oh. They are my muses, I guess. It's nice to have people to write with.

And then this afternoon I toodled back into #nanowrimo, and I realized that I missed you all too!! So, I decided to get back into everything and start posting my writings here and such again. Most of what I have been writing lately has been love poetry, or some such.

Right now I'm in a hotel room with my cats and my husband, since we're bug bombing our house. Whee!! Back to bed with me. Post more tomorrow!

TL

my poor car car accident 2/28/08

Just an update.. I'm fine.. but not feeling very well.. so off to bed with me. I will try to update this more often.

and posting for the first time in 2008.

Tomorrow I'm turning 32. Is it wrong of me to be nervous? I don't know. I have a lot on my plate right now. The production team in SL isn't doing The Vagina Monologues anymore, but we are doing a different, in world written production called In the Pink. It looks like it will be great.

I'm an awful teacher.. I have to get back on track.

My arms are falling asleep and I want to lay down on my couch.

Byee!

So, it's not like I don't have enough to do already in my Real Life,
I've decided to try and make it a Monday habit to keep everybody
informed both in world and off about what is going on with Vday in
SL. And so much is going on with Vday!

First of all, in addition to Ada Radius and I being named producers,
Calliope Delgado and Lauren Weyland have joined the team! The four of
us have taken on the responsibility of putting together this moving
experience and have each taken our own responsibilities within the
group. I am honored to work with all of these talented people and the
group dynamic is so amazing and well.. dynamic! Right now we have
divided our responsibilities as such:

Ada Radius keep us on track and organized and on the ball. Ada has
become our organizer of volunteers. She is meting out jobs and making
spreadsheets and keeping us all up to date. We are grateful to have
her.

Calliope Delgado is our spirited director and the woman with the
vision that will be carried far into this project and beyond.
Officially our director of directors, she brings with her great
experience and drive to get the talented actresses and directors
together and working wonderfully!

Lauren Weyland, our official Specialized Omnigendered Spirit, has been
essential in everything that we do and functions in so many capacities
as location scout to community liaison to our contact with many
wonderful and various theater communities. I don't know where we
would be without her.. him.. well.. you know. Omnigendered!

And then there is me, I suppose, and I don't know what I'm doing here
sometimes. I'll have to ask Ada. She'll tell me!

SL Vday has taken on such a wonderful life of its own! Our note card
passing PR campaign seems to be working as we have already had a
mention on 2nd Sex (http://sexsecond.blogspot.com/2007/12/vagina-
monologues-in-sl.html), an SL escort blog. I was amazed to find our
little community effort expand into this courageous endeavor! It
looks like we're going to go far with this one!

In our call for volunteers and sponsorship, Morigan Dagger has taken
it upon herself (at my humblest request) to research and create a
contact list for many of SL's popular "girl only" sims in hopes of
making contact and building interest among the audience we think this
production will have the most impact on. A few have volunteered to
host a donation box (once we get them set up) and a few have even
begun to volunteer hosting charity balls in honor of our production.
I am overwhelmed with the positive response we are getting for this
production!

In that light, we have set up an accounting avatar to handle the funds
for this production. VdayAccountant Telling will be setting up
donation boxes and this will be the account to send any donations to.
Add her as a friend for ease of sending funds. She's really friendly
(trust me!) . I will also be posting monthly cost/income spreadsheets
to keep all of the accounts honest. (Thanks to Ada (again!) for
pointing this function out to me on SecondLife.com!)

Auditons are underway on January 5th with Calliope Delgado sending out
audition pieces today. Please help distribute this notecard to all
women interested in participating as actresses. It has landmarks and
everything a girl would need!

Production is set for February 23rd at 2:30pm SLT (for our European
audience) and 7 SLT for our American audience. We will also be
holding an open rehearsal for all corporate and major sponsors (once
we get them), not as an extra performance, because we are limited to
2, but as a look into the workings on stage and off to see what a
difference their donations are making.

I am so proud of this production! Let's make this happen!

See you in Second Life!

ToryLynn Writer

P.S. I am so excited about this.. I feel like I'm gonna explode!!! TL